then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
