Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
