i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
