Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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