I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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