I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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