i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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