so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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