he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
