Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
