I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
