I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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