You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
