I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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