hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
