i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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