Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
