Four minutes until I can fart!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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