i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
