there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
