I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Girls should come with a carfax report
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
