Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
