Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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