I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
