She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
