Only a mothe r could love this liver
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
