Define "chronic" masturbator.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
