It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
