Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
