his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
