Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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