I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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