how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The power of my boobs compel you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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