everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
