i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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