I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
