She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
