So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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