its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
