i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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