wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
