i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
