____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
