i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
