I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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