Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
