his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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