Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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