I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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