Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
